Judgements

Why is it I'm so afraid to share this with people?  Probably because I think they're going to judge me... Actually I'm almost positive that's why.  But if they're people who already know me, do I really post anything that different from the way I act or speak?  There's just something terrifying about putting your thoughts out there...

Speaking of judging...

Is it weird that when I think of myself I don't think of how I am physically?  I see myself as a random collection of events and their outcomes, the relationships I've formed, the things that interest me, the choices I have made.  Sometimes I forget what my face looks like... I rarely look at the entirety of my face at any one time... Its usually just a quick check in the mirror... did I manage to get my part straight when I brushed my hair this morning?  Is there anything in my teeth?  Is my outfit alright?  I very rarely look at myself in entirety...  Its not that I think there's anything wrong with me, I'm just never really worried about physical appearance... well, I am and I'm not.  I'm worried about anything that's glaringly wrong, like checking my outfit to make sure I didn't forget anything major like pants, or making sure that my teeth are actually clean,  I never actually look in a mirror to appraise how attractive I am or am not  (but I know I have my moments where I DO care, they're few and far between i.e. bathingsuit shopping).  And I feel that life is better that way.  Yes, I'm worried about how people judge me, but no, I'm not going to throw a fit over it.  Sometimes I freak out a little over appearances, but in the end they matter so much less than anything else.  So long as you look the best you can on any given day, (and i dont mean you CAN go to the gym every day for an hour, so you CAN become a buff muscle person...), its really shouldn't matter that your face is breaking out or your allergies are making your eyes all red, or you put on a little weight, whatever random thing is affecting how you feel about your appearance on any one day.  Sometimes shit happens and there's nothing you can do about it but ignore it and move past it.

Just let yourself shine through your every action, and if you aren't an absolutely terrible person, you can't go wrong <3

Apparently I ramble when I'm tired... sorry guys xD

When my mirror speaks it never minces words, 'cause these eyes don't shine half as bright as they used to do and they haven't for quite awhile.  'Cause I'm a man who hides from all that binds and a mess of fading lines, and there's a tangled thread inside my head, with nothing on either end. - Death Cab for Cutie